About the author

From an early age, your humble author was Raised on a diet of salted porridge and rusty bolts. This made him as tough as Bernard Hopkins and faster than FLoyd Mayweather.

He has fought battles with gypsies and transvestites in most developing countires and won on 90% of the occasions. Most of these fights have came from price discrepencies over handjobs in motorway laybys.

You would usually find him on ghetto dancefloors,  grinding to Baltimore sex music whilst checking out your girl. She’s checking him too and aint going home with you no more. If not there then, heckling northerners in the X block at Loftus Raod. Your mother is one of the northerners and she’s checking him out too, but don’t worry, he won’t do anything with her, he’s been there already and that bitch is dirty.

Cut you in the leg and steal your bus pass